Not that there isn't a certain charm in standing on the Emmy red carpet trussed like a well-dressed turkey in an ill-fitting tux, sweltering in the September heat of Central Los Angeles, but it's much easier to watch the canine and equine parade from the office, in jeans and a ratty t-shirt with a can of soda pop and a bag of Sun Chips. Why bother trying to stick a tape recorder in the face of disinterested celebrities, when their publicists have already decided that only Star Jones of E! and the two-headed JoanandMelissaRivers monster on TV Guide Channel will get access?

Of course, the big nominees never show up until minutes before the show is set to begin. That leaves Jones, Kathy Griffin and Giuliana DePandi of E! killing time on Sunday (Sept. 18) night by discussing who they, themselves, are wearing. It seems pointless to point out to the giggling ladies that at some point they were supposed to be journalists. I wonder if back in the glory days of television, Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow used to have lengthy discussions about who designed their tuxes. Then again, if the alternative is listening to Jones trying to spin a conversation with early arriver Camryn Manheim about her math teacher father. Nobody wants to ask Manheim what she's planning on doing for the two hours before Ellen DeGeneres takes the stage.

Hanging over this year's Emmy is residual sadness and celebrity guilt about Hurricane Katrina. On E!, Jones touches on the issue with a gorgeously attired Teri Hatcher, who agrees that she feels guilty taking anything tonight when so many are needing. In contrast, at the same second on TV Guide, MelissaRivers is giggling with Kathryn Joosten about how lucky she is to get both an Emmy (already presented for a guest stint on "Desperate Housewives") and a presenter's basket. MelissaRivers acknowledges hurricane victims by saying hi to her friends in Mississippi. Any celebrity who keeps a goodie bag for themselves this year should feel ashamed. Of course, $40,000 with of gadgets, spa coupons and car leases can cover a lot of shame.

The full "Housewives" cast shows up early, including the viciously unnominated Eva Longoria, who appears without boyfriend Tony Parker, who's in France playing with the national basketball team. I'll repeat that for effect: Rather than posing for photographers on Eva Longoria's arm, San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker prefers to shoot hoops for Gaul, leaving his sweetie standing head-to-waist with the gigantic (yet lovely) Brenda Strong. Eva didn't even walk with her soap opera boy toy Jesse Metcalfe, whom Griffin takes down a peg for his "pretty, pretty lady drag queen eyebrows." There are some subjects on which Griffin shouldn't be trusted, but we'll take her word on this one. Griffin is also so taken with Hatcher that she observes, "I want the Hatcher Cam 24-7."

Just as viewers breathe a sigh of relief as the last "Housewife" straggler enters the Shrine Auditorium, the "Lost" stars begin to flood in. Terry O'Quinn gives Jones a chance to look like a fool, as she asks several not-so-well-researched questions about his hobbies and past jobs, earning a blank stare with each gaffe. For her part, JoanRivers is on her best behavior over on the TV Guide Channel. Like a skittish figure skater, she skips the most difficult challenges of fact or name. Case in point: Several "24" players appear and JoanRivers calls the first two by their full names, but just greets "Mary Lynn," rather than butchering "Rajskub." What fun are you, JoanRivers?

Over on E! they're gushing over The Pivs, as Giuliana calls nominee Jeremy Piven. She can't be dissuaded from her celebrity crush even after Griffin assures her that The Pivs likes his strippers and that "He's tired of being John Cusack's bitch."

The shows on all channels come to a halt when a very pregnant, very radiant Jennifer Garner rolls up. Frizzy hair aside, she seems happy, even though Ben Affleck is probably sitting at home moping in front of the TV. Jones presents her with a shirt that reads "The Real [Star] of the Family." She seems happy, even if she admits to sadness about the Red Sox's blow-out loss this afternoon. We feel your pain, J-Gar.

Unlike many years past, several of the men are going out of their ways to subvert the boring old penguin suit. Clay Aiken's working the maroon shirt and gold tie. Ricardo Chivara goes with a purple-ish shirt and tie, while Harold Perrineau Jr. is working a different combination of purple and black. And The Pivs? He's in black-on-black, but we've heard a nasty rumor that he likes the strippers.

It's somewhat sad that the various talking heads are so giddy to gossip about the relationships of all of the various straight celebrities (including our perennial favorite odd couple of Barbara Hershey and Naveen Andrews), but when Portia De Rossi shows up, nobody wants to discuss her relationship with Ellen and if she's nervous for her girlfriend. It'd be one thing if they were concerned about the stars and their closely guarded privacy, but that's clearly not the case. Carson Kressley makes a coy reference to how much trouble De Rossi'll be in if she misses the opening monologue, but why is Carson Kressley even on TV anymore?

Who were the night's best dressed stars? Well, each of the "Housewives" will probably get votes, especially Longoria in a coral number and Marcia Cross, whose emerald gown played nicely with her skin tone and red hair. Halle Berry's ponytail sent Griffin into a trendspotting tizzy and a selection of stars in gravity-defying strapless gowns -- including Jennifer Love Hewitt, Cynthia Nixon, Patricia Heaton and Evangeline Lilly -- get big points.

Dashing in red, Lauren Graham looked splendid and had the best fashion line of the night, telling Jones, "This is a day to be uncomfortable. If you can walk, it's really a bonus."

Poor Stockard Channing always makes it onto worse dressed lists and this year probably won't be an exception with a dress that was too skimpy on top and too long down below. Heidi Klum just gave birth to a baby Seal, so maybe hormones are responsible for her rainbow mess. The usually reliable Charlize Theron just looked tired, and silly Star Jones was too overwhelmed to mention her upcoming "Arrested Development" stint or to notice that her partner, Stuart Townsend, also has a show, not that the E! cameraman even noticed Charlize had a date. And Mischa Barton seemed to be wearing fish scales. We'd mock Paula Abdul and her icky over-exposure, but Paula's been over-exposed all year. Instead, we'll mock her inability to make any kind of facial expression. Funny Paula.

Awards were also presented on Sunday night.